Hey, Marie, and all you Angry Prophets, here's a story that came from our friends down under. I don't know if they are indulging in their favorite sport -- teasing the Yanks -- but it's a heck of a story. I'm nominating her for Howard Beale's Angry Prophet award, like the Angriest Octogenarian South of the Equator.
Let us know what you think about this one.
The Rambo Granny of Melbourne, Australia
Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down - - and shot off their testicles.
"The old lady spent a week hunting those men down -- and when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way, " said Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp. Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be:
"Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God."
Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the hotel room where he and former prison cellmate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.
The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said. The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said "he won't be using it the way he used to." Detective Delp told reporters, "Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think they're just happy to be alive after what they've been through."
The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21 after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped in broad daylight by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row. "When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night in the hospital, I decided I was going to go out and get those bastards myself 'cause I figured the Law would go easy on them," recalled the retired library worker. "And I wasn't scared of them, either-- because I've got me a gun and I've been shootin' all my life. And I wasn't dumb enough to turn it in when the law changed about owning one."
So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects and Debbie's description of the sickos', tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place 'till she spotted the ill fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.
"I knew it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot a picture of 'em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them," the oldster recalled.
"So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door and the minute the big one opened the door, I shot him right square between the legs, right where it would really hurt him most, you know.
"Then I went in and shot the other one as he backed up pleading to me to spare him. Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in. "
Now, baffled lawmen are trying to figure out exactly how to deal with the vigilante granny. "What she did was wrong, and she broke the law, but it is difficult to throw an 81-year-old woman in prison," Detective Delp said, "especially when 3 million people in the city want to nominate her for Mayor. "
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DEPORT HER TO AMERICA--WE NEED HER !!
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Here's another droll crime story, reportedly from a news article in an unnamed Florida newspaper:
When Nathan Radlich's house was burgled, thieves left behind his TV, his VCR, and even his Rolex watch. What they did take was a "generic white cardboard box filled with grayish-white powder" -- that, at least, is the way the police described it.
A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said that "it looked similar to cocaine, and they probably thought they'd hit the big time."
Then Nathan stood in front of the TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: "Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago."
Well, the next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained.
And there was this note: "Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day."
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